Mittwoch, 1. Dezember 2010

COLD! COLD! FREEZINGFUCKINGCOLD!

Oh good lord ladies and gents of Berlin, Winter ist da, oder? I've just come from checking out the betrothed and my new pad and Rathaus Neukoelln looked like a swirling, Siberian wasteland. But, but, BUT my pretties, I have very possibly cracked the winter dressing code. I, who am usually a wimpering wreck in anything less than freezing, was quite cosy all day. And I am willing to share my glorious warming secrets of joy with you, dear readers. It is all in the LAYERS. Layers and wool. Like an onion made out of a sheep.

Layer number one- Obviously normal underwear, and then THERMAL VESTS. There should be two layers, an actual vest and a long sleeved t-shirt type affair.

Layer two- LONG JOHNS. The fancier the better. I have lovely Merino wool ones that my mummy gave me one year we went skiing. I may never take them off.

Layer three- two pairs (at least) of socks. DISCLAIMER- I am not saying that any of these undergarments are going to give you a very sexy final result, but a) warmth trumps sexy (I mean, in the context of spending-all-day-outside-or-on-public-transport) and b) I have a ring on my freakin' finger, bitches. If he's gone this far, he can probably deal with the 'johns.

Layer four- a normal outfit. Ie. trousers, top, jumper. What we'd all be wearing, basically, if we were sensible enough to being living somewhere not totally Arschkalt.

Layer five- Extra Cardigan. I cannot stress the importance of Extra Cardigan. It should be as wooly and large and offensively unflattering as possible. Trust me, it's worth it. If in doubt, think ONION SHEEP.

Layer six- Coat and Accessories. Again, as oversized and bulky as possible. Mittens are better than gloves (because your fingers can rub against eachother for sweet love-warmth), and remember that if your fingers  retain any dexerity at all in them then they are too thin. Hats should be ridicluous (my large flappy monstrosity gives me terrifyingly static hair, and no peripheral vision but I LOVE it). Unfortunately my extreme vanity disallows me from really proper winter boots and coats, but Operation Onion Sheep properly executed actually removes a lot of their importance.

Okay, Leute, that is all my warming wisdom. I have to get back to reading my wedding blogs. And yes, I know it's pathetic, and no, I don't care. I'm getttttiiiiinnnnng maaaaarrrriedddd!!

Kommentare:

  1. I love the onion sheep; you should go global with that one... very nice. And congrats on the wedding. What kind of wedding blogs are you checking out?

    --Craig
    aka dunkin' berliner

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  2. Hi! I found your blog while I was looking for some info on hotels in Berlin ! I am really impressed, very interesting, useful! Looks good!Compliments!

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  3. Hallo Leute, and thanks for the kind words. Liliya, I'm glad you like it, did you get sorted with a good hotel in the end? Craig, I am literally too ashamed to own up to my blog roll of late. Suffice to say the strap-line on one is "full colour dreams of a wedding in white". I will never, ever divulge.

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